Quick Fishing Jokes |
One day a nun was fishing and caught a huge, strange-looking fish. A man was walking by and said, "Wow! What a nice Gauddam Fish!" The sister said, "Sir, you shouldn't use God's name in vain."
The man said, "But that's the species of the fish - a Gauddam Fish." The sister said, "Oh, okay."
The Sister took the fish back home and said, "Mother Superior, look at the Gauddam Fish I caught." Shocked, the Mother Superior said, "Sister, you know better than that."
The nun said, "That's the species of it - a Gauddam Fish." So, the Mother Superior said, "Well, give me the Gauddam Fish and I'll clean it."
While she was cleaning the fish, Monsignor walked in and Mother Superior said, "Monsignor, look at the Gauddam Fish that the sister caught." Nearly fainting, Monsignor said, "Mother Superior, you shouldn't talk like that!"
Mother Superior said, "But that's the species of it - a Gauddam Fish." Monsignor said, "Well give me the Gauddam Fish and I'll cook it."
That evening at supper there was a new priest at the table, and he said, "Wow, what a nice fish." In reply, the sister said, "Thank you, I caught the Gauddam Fish." And Mother Superior said, "I cleaned the Gauddam Fish." And Monsignor said, "I cooked the Gauddam Fish."
The priest looked around in disbelief, quite shocked, and said, "I think I'm going to like this f%$@# ing place!"
Submitted by ~ DDS Murdoch
My neighbor is 67 years
old and loves to fish. He was sitting in his boat the other day, when he
heard a voice say, "Pick me up!!."
He looked around for several minutes, but he couldn't see anyone The voice
pleaded again, "Pick me up!"
He looked in the water and there floating on the top was a frog. The
neighbor said, " Are you talking to me?"
The frog replied, " Hell yes I'm talking to you!! Pick me up and give me a
kiss and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen.
And, as a reward, I'll
give you the most wonderful sexual pleasures you have ever seen or heard of.
My neighbor looked at the frog for several minutes then reached over and
picked the frog up carefully and placed it in his breast pocket.
The frog said, " Are you nuts, didn't you hear what I said?? I said kiss me and I will give you sexual pleasure like you've never had before?!"
He opened his pocket,
looked at the frog and said, "At my age I would rather have a talking frog.
A fisherman returned to shore with a giant marlin that was larger and heavier than he was. On the way to the cleaning shed he ran into a buddy who had maybe a dozen or so rockfish.
His buddy eyed the marlin for a moment and said, "Only caught the one, huh?"
Fellow was fishing. Guy walks up and says, "How's the fishing?"
Fellow says, "Fishin's fine."
Guy says, "How many you got?"
Fellow says, "None."
Guy says, "None? Thought you said the fishin's fine!"
Fellow says, "Fishin' is fine, catchin's bad!"
There was a fisherman who after getting skunked fishing for trout, stopped by the local fish market on the way home. After selecting four nice trout, which were then bagged by the clerk, the fisherman stepped back from the counter and asked the clerk to pitch the trout to him. In answer to the clerk's puzzled look, he stated, "I may be a lousy fisherman, but I'm not a liar.
A group of couples went on a fishing trip. And, by midweek the ladies had noticed that Mildred was getting the most fish.
So the girls ask her how she did it.
She replied, "When I wake up in the morning I look at my husband's 'Peter'. And
if it is lying to the left I fish on the left side of the boat. If it hangs to
the right I fish on the right side of the boat."
One girl asks," But what if it is standing straight up? Then what do you do?"
Mildred replies," Then we DON'T GO FISHING."
During the annual Bass catchers classic, there were several boats near a bridge.
When a funeral procession came by, on the bridge, everyone kept on fishing
except for one man. He put down his pole, and took off his hat and remained that
way until the procession had passed. A nearby fisherman noticed this and was
impressed at how respectful the other man had been, so he cranked up his boat
and pulled up to the other mans boat. "Howdy friend. I saw how considerate you
were towards that funeral procession, and I wish I had been that thoughtful."
The other man replied, "I reckon its the least I could do. After all, we'd been
married for 30 years."
Three
blondes are sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines
in the water. A Game Warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and
says, "Excuse me, ladies, I'd like to see your fishing licenses." "We don't have
any." replied the first blonde. "Well, if your going to fish, you need fishing
licenses." said the Game Warden. "But officer," replied the second blonde, "we
aren't fishing. We all have magnets at the end of our lines and we're collecting
debris off the bottom of the river." The Game Warden lifted up all the lines
and, sure enough, there were horseshoe magnets tied on the end of each line.
"Well, I know of no law against it," said the Game Warden, "take all the debris
you want." And with that, the Game Warden left. As soon as the Game Warden was
out of sight, the three blondes started laughing hysterically. "What a dumb Fish
Cop," the second blonde said to the other two, "doesn't he know that there are
steelhead in this river?!"
There was a priest that loved to stream fish. One year there was a problem every time he had a chance to go fishing the weather was bad or it was on Sunday, when he had to work. All year he was unable to go. Finally it was the last week before the streams closed. The weather was bad all week until Sunday, when the weather was great. The priest could not resist, he called a fellow priest claiming to be very sick and asked if he could take over his sermon. The fly fishing priest drove over 200 miles, not wishing to see anyone he knew. An angel seeing the priest playing hooky went to God and said "Your not going to let him get away with this are you?". God agreed he should do something. The first cast the priest made was perfect. The fly floated past a log and a huge mouth gulped the fly down. For 45 minutes the priest ran up and down the stream fighting the mighty fish. At the end he held a 50" world record rainbow trout. Confused the angel asked God, "What are you doing?". God replied "Think about it, who's he going to tell?"
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